Tonight

Tonight was a very Very interesting night.

For the first time since June i went to the munch. It has been a Long time that i hadn't seen many people, and it was nice to see Sir and morningstar again. Thank Y/you to both of Y/you for continuing the munches. There was a great turn out and many new comers (i still consider myself to be a new comer). Of course the Doms were at it again to tease and make the submissive ones blush. All in all it was great fun.

It was wonderful to see CLoud again too. i have to say that i L O V E that shirt one Him *grins* even though he seems to be very evil every time he wears it. There is something about Him that always makes me smile, and yes even my heart warms when seeing Him. It was odd, i was extremely nervous and shy around Him tonight. To tell the truth, i didn't know if i would be accepted or not. i know what has been said was that W/we would always be friends but i have also learned that people sometimes do not say what they mean/feel. Please forgive me CLoud for having doubts, i shouldn't have, although i was letting past experiences beat me.

CLoud and i talked for a while, yes... He made me blush more then once, although i didn't need a towel this time around like i did the first time i had met Him at a munch. *laughs* There are somethings that a girl should keep private in her 'kinks' until she trusts someone well enough, CLoud has earned every right to know the truth, and to know certain desires that i have. Well tonight He was teasing me about one, and knowingly making me squirm a little.

There was a comment that i never mailed the goals of which i had set out for myself. Well it is about time that i write them, not for anyone but for me to focus and try to achieve them.

1) Personally my first goal was to keep my children safe, i have done that. (and no i am not trying to say that their father is a beast, he isn't at all....)

2) my second goal was to pass my courses, however back in August CLoud challenged me to be in the top 2, i will keep that goal and do my best.

3) Getting in shape, at first (even though i wasn't admitting this) i thought in shape was a number, now it is being physically fit, not ending up being all breathless with three quick steps, but being able to play volleyball the way i use to. Although it was suggested that i reach 155lbs by end of August....W/we shall see

4) Having patience with myself, not doubting my abilities. This is a constant goal, most importantly it is a learning experience.

5) Being divorced in the year 2006. (and all that entails)

6) Being consistant... including facing the mirror every week

That's about it for now. So far i have reached one goal, and that was to get settled into a routine with my children. It has taken some time but things are working out really well. Even though there will be a change in the near future, though i wont hold my breath...

Hmm... let's see. *putting thinking cap on*

i was told tonight that i should blog more, and i am still thinking of a way that i can do so (quickly at school)... will continue working on that part. Sad part is i have a hard time going to the library with the children, one is great, the other is still very active, especially since this child only see's me for about 2 hours a day (before bed time).
Will work more on it.

Tonight i also said that i will start up the exercises again. my health is important, and i have to put 'me' as a priority. i know i was doing that with me going to school and all, but it was a Huge change for me in many ways and took a LOT longer to settle in then i had imagined so.

Ok, this is REALLY difficult writing about 'me' ... i sound so full of myself it seems. Nothing seems/feels right, is it just me?

Reality as bitten hard recently. The confusion of what i dream/fantazise/want and what society deems appropriate is frustrating.

i have no clue which i am more scared of, to stay the way i am, or to take the step and change things for what i desire.

All in time...