Days passing by

Today is a hard day. Yes, i know i am not starting on a positive note. It was my dads birthday yestuerday, and i course i took the position i needed to, i was strong for all, ... i did what i needed to, to get the day passed.

Tan lines, i know i have mentioned them before,today i was wearing a white tank top and noticed my tan lines again. Not very pleasing to the eye, are they? Am i the only one out there with this view point? i enjoy many many things about the human body, but why oh why do we find negitive points? More at hand, why do i? Do i judge other people? No, i don't judge people the way i've heard others do. No need to, i believe and have seen that W/we judge ourselves far more then anyone else could.

So... going back to a Lifestyle relationship, whether it is a full time life in,a part time or anything else inbetween, does a submissive learn to Not judge onself and Only follow what the dominant person says? Does this take time to break the old habit, does it truly ever work?

i enjoy sitting back and watching relationships form, i like to take the time to learn while watching. Yes, i am found often in the shadows where not many ever take notice of me, yet always watching and growing.

i have to take responsibility of the choices that i have made, there are different wants and needs that i have to live with. More and more i doubt myself with everything, though this is out of fear that i am doing the right thing. Of course it would be so much easier to fall at someone's feet and just do as they say with no other thought. i admit this. However this is Not me, and never has been. i have a mind and i use it often, i use it to grow and to take chances.

Yes i'm scared, though do i hide myself? i haven't, as much as i cannot write everyday i do not hide. i have faced so many things while being alone here, and helping my children grow. i amnot only responsible for myself but for them as well. Many many choices have been made,,many many things have changed...

The good news....

Remember that exam i was panicking over the other day? Well here's the news... my exam mark is 100%. Technacally i was not allowed to see it but my teacher showed it to me. *does a little curtsey* i broke down after i saw it, and the teacher wasn't all too sure what to do with me. Is this truly me? i haven't found my passion as of yet, but i am sure enjoying the ride to it all.

i would also like to take the time to tell ling how happy any proud i am of her. she is not a person i have known for long but in the silent moments she has taught me a few things. Thank you ling. you have much inner strength that many could only wish for, never stop believing in yourself, .. i for one am loving watching you grow and find your way.

Tuesday is coming up, W/we shall see what happens then too...

have a great weekend for T/those that happen to read this...