Manners, or is it just me???

Do people have manners anymore? In or out of this lifestyle, do people realise that manners are important??? That commen (wish i could bold that) courtesy, is not only to be nice to someone, but that it shows self respect!!!

i'm frustrated with people in this day and age that have forgotten how important it is. Do you know how many books are out there on this subject?? Parents should teach their children to have manners. What is so hard with a Please or a Thank-you once in a while? What is hard holding the door a little longer so that the mother (or father) pushing a carriage can go through the door? How about offering a seat up to that pregnant woman who is having a hard time walking?

You know what, all this would make the other person smile a little and have a moment that Courtesy is still alive! Is it though? Push and shove, everyone always in a rush to get one place to another not realising where their head is.

Trying to get off the metro i have to shove my way through people because they NEED to get on.. more room if we are able to get off first, eh?? Think a little... n'est pas???

What is wrong about giving someone.. a stranger some manners? Do you know that you can make that much of a difference in someone's life if you just take the time? I have learned in the last year (or so) that the little things always count.

i'll share this story with you, a mother from my child's school has sent me a note recently... she's was SURPRISED at how my child was so 'kind, well mannered' she even asked how did i go about it to teach it to them.

WOW!!

i mean i know how important i try to instill it in my children, they are not able to get anything without a please (don't bother asking a second time). i ended up calling the mother and having a chat with her.. am proud of my child! Now i wish this will stay with that child as they grow up.

ok.. i'm tired of complaining all my frustrations...

By the way, it isn't only about 'young ones' that are around... i know alot of ELDERS that do the same thing, have lost all their respect with themselves....

~confusion~

For those of Y/you who might think/assume about me... please look elsewhere


This is for You (SO) for i am not sure where the path brings U/us. You might have more faith than i do at this time... Ok, not might, for a fact You have more faith. i feel as though i am looking up at You waiting for that moment to happen (as it had before). Throughout the time W/we have gotten to know each O/other, You were always calm and patient. When i talked with You on the phone, You took lead and made sure i was taking care of myself (even though i didn't belong to You). You also made sure that i kept up with my studies, and were concerned how sick i got before an exam.

i've come over my fear of my exams, although i still get that feeling of quiziness, my heart still beats faster.. it is life. (i have an exam tomorrow, it is a timed exam ... not something i'm use too!).

SO, You told me that i have always showed respect to You and to O/others around me. i hope that i do, i do not mean to offend people, although i am sure it does happen. i am far from perfect, and i continue to improve myself (slowly).

Yes, i'm confused.. especially about You! You've done a complete turn around with me. You were always distant when W/we talked on the phone. W/we were friends, (point taken since i couldn't beat that wall You had up). Now You come back into my life, with a goal. A huge goal.

W/we will me, and then W/we will see what happens next. i wont hold my breath, i do not know if i am what You are looking for. i would like to spend time with You to see if W/we are comfy with each O/other.

One step at a time, just like You said in the last email that You sent to me. It is very important that W/we take O/our time....

Are You happy SO? Is this what You really want? i'll sit here by the water tossing stones in the water to see if something in me will settle for a while.

Am i ready for all this?

~pondering~

Oh baby, Baby...!

Two reasons why i choose to title this blog "Oh baby, Baby!"

First, i had a dream the other night that i was pregnant. Not something that will happen again. In the dream realm, when one is pregnant, it means a change, or/and a birth of something. This should be taken in a positive way, but i do have to say that dream made me very uneasy. Was strange, because those that know me also know that i have been pregnant before.

Will be able to give Y/you an upto date if there is one later on.




Now, my second reason for name this the way i did. Tonight i cried like a baby. Y/you see, i watched Grey's Anatomy, a show i tend to watch when i am able too. Thankfully it wasn't on last night, so that i didn't miss this episode (which i think is the seasons finally). Anyhow, (hopefully someone watched it too)...

There was a transplant for a heart (i wont get into all the details) however before this patient went into surgery he had asked this girl to marry him. Of course she didn't answer at first, then when he woke up after surgery (and he reminded her of how he felt) she ran off. Scared... (i know that feeling)... in the end she came back and said she would marry him.

All nice, nice... right? Noooo! *sighs* Does he not die from something!!! *wipes the tear*....

The same episode, they had to put down the dog for having cancer (that was reaching his brain at this stage)...

So yes, tonight i cried like a lil baby. Was not even trying to hide the tears, they just kept coming down. Now i feel i can breath, that something inside of me that has been bugging me has been let go.

ok, this blog might not be all that open, but i am trying to allow myself to share my feelings with others. i've kept them inside of me for far too long it seems.

i'm emotional... seems i am not the only one out there feeling like this.

Spring and everything that goes with it

Allergie season.. wooHoo. i know that i haven't written in sometime, actually 'Sir' surprised me the other day by leaving a post in the last post that i did. Honestly i didn't think it has taken me all this time to post again.

Many things have changed, many things are still the same. Has been a very odd past couple of months. In Feburary i hit my 30s, a friend sang Happy Birthday to me in the middle of St Lawrence street, and got a bunch of guys to hold a candle as she sung. Was funny. No one in my life ever did something like that for or even to me. Yes i blushed, but in the end we had a wonderful time.

In the past couple of days i have read a few Ffriends blogs and was surprised with things going on. Certain people i am not really close too but they do still matter to me, even though i stayed away for a while. It's amazing how people find strength, it is also amazing how many people are dealing with a few 'things' in life all at the same time. i have always learned from my friends and i shall continue to do so.

Now something really interesting came to my attention today, geeze i didn't realise how i loved to read a certain Sswitchs blog!!!! Yes CLoud you made me laugh a little... of course my lil evil mind had started thinking about fingers and such. Oh, and rowing machines they are grrrreat!!

Well an update, i have had this Friend, online and Dominant .. Wwe drifted apart for several months, now all of a sudden He's come back into my life (in a VERY different way). i'm not holding my breath (well not into breath play...).. He would like to meet me (face to face) and see where things might go. For the past 2 weeks i keep looking over my shoulder and wonder if it is truly me He is talking with (too). i have many questions, although the more i ask Him questions the more questions appear in my mind.

Doubt!!!

That is my biggest problem. i doubt everything and anything. As 'my wifey pooh' would say.. Yeah riiiiite!! i'm taking this slowly, whatever happens will happen. i am definately in no rush. The selling of the house/renovations is getting there.. (should be painting again by next weekend). i'm finally putting my life back on track and now this happens.


i'm just confused. lol... when aren't i??

i wish Y/you all a wonderful evening. *hugs to F/friends* i've missed Y/you!!!

*hugs CLoud*.... am happy to be reading your blogs again

Sir and morningstar.. All the best to Y/you both!!! Y/you deserve it !!!!

ling... we have got to get in contact sometime, if that's ok???


and whomever reads this... be good~

A Brand New Year....

A Brand New Year with so many things to thank for.....

Happy New Year to all my F/friends

Well with Christmas gone, and the New Year starting yesterday.. I am sure that W/we all have something to be happy about.

This was one of the hardest times of the year for me.. for my family and my precious angels...and yet we held each others hands to get through it. It was a time when my mother and i did Not (finally) fight during the holiday seasons. There was a special wreath put at the cemetary.. and a card from each young one.

i wish A/all of you good health, or at least stable enough to be comfortable. ...

Y/you're in my thoughts.. and my heart....

A Better Future

Each day i learn new things, not only do i learn them i TRY to put them into effect. It does not always happen although i do try.

example: my exercises.. It is important to me not only physically but mentally too, to do them.

A long time ago i was taught not to assume. It took me a long time to understand this one. Til this day there are times i still do so. Partly because i go with my intuition, partly because i am human.

All in all this past year i have choosen to do things because they will better my future. i have gone to the lawyers to make sure i am protecting my right as a mother, ... i have started back to school as Y/you all know, which will give me more choices out in the job market. i have stepped down from "having" to do everything for everyone and have learned to say no. i have learned not to let the gossping mill pull me in, instead i have walked away.. .and life is clearer.

i have learned to stand up for myself. This is still a work in progress, however when something doesn't fit right, it will be known. i have learned that i continue to grow each day, that i will not be perfect and i am happy.

There was a great deal of saddness and yet as a family we stuck together, in the end making our ties that much stronger.

i have come to trust a wonderful Man, who i am truly (and will always be truly) grateful for His evil ways. He has a nack of watching until the wind falls upon my skin before saying anything. Not many people will ever understand me, nor will ever try, and yet He knows me (more then i know myself at times). That's ok too *smiles*

CLoud, i'd like to say thank You for helping me better myself. For helping me see something that i was fighting so hard to go against. ahh.. You were so right... Your words last year... "within a year you will be stronger"....*blushes* Of course i did not believe this, and was fighting it all the way, and yet i am stronger. Slowly that strength grows.

Aye, a better future in the works.

this is for Smith

Who is Smith? He was the first person in my life to truly understand me. Actually i was scared of so many things back then when i first met him.

Why am i talking about him after all this time? Because he needs (not really him) clarification of...the past.

Smith was the first dominant in my life who helped me understand little things in life. He helped me learn, understand and accept certain things about my desires. Was he my Master? Nope, never. Would i have liked to be his slave? yes. There was a comfort there that til this day i do not understand. Smith was my dominant, he accepted the things i willingly gave to him.

i'm sorry IF i misunderstood a question from someone along the way, but this IS what we were.

Out of respect for Smith, i needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you

The Joys of Life

Hi A/all

It is past midnight and thought i would write something. Went to see a movie with my friend tonight (Aeon Flux) and thought ain't life interesting.

So there i was sitting quietly watching the flick (actually watching the way the camera moved with the actress) and from the corner of my eye i noticed a girl who was sitting an ailes down disappeared. She didn't really disappear, she was giving the guy who she was with a blow job.

The voyeur in me took interest in the action. It's not every day that i get to go out and see this kind of stuff. Let's just say i was close enough to hear the guys breathing change. The short intake of breaths when he forced her haid down, the little noises she made as she was bobbing her head. All very interesting. It made me smile when she made a gagging noise.

*sighs* it has been way to long! *laughs* But it was a treat to remember what happens between two people in times like these. The joys of life are interesting. There is something always happening, the only thing is you have to catch it in the process.

So now i bid Y/you all farwell for this evening.

i will not do anything about my frustrations, there is something in me that has been holding back. *shrugs*.... is it the masochist in me, or the Sadist....*lol* probably the side that just doesn't want to make a decision.

So i'll go on with my heated frustrations yet another day....

i should have made a comment tonight to the couple, eh?

Friends

Today i've been pondering friendships and how they mean to me. Each person has their own place in my heart, some have touched me deeper then others, yet they all (you all) have a special place.

So why is it so hard to let some people in? i've had people call me cold, some people call me stuck up. Though who they see and who i am seem to be two very different people. i've (slowly) come to see that why i am extremely shy, there's this wall that goes up to protect myself. i do not do this on purpose, though when i do notice it i have started to learn to take that wall down and not feel so intimidated with everything.

i have to say, i smile now more then ever when i go out. And tonight, i did something totally different then what i use to do. You see, when i go dancing, i would hardly ever smile unless i have just told someone to back off. (i tend to get a little protective of my friends and strangers groping them).. Anyhow, tonight a friend (female) and i went out to a local club and while we were dancing i was smiling. i was truly happy. i did have one bad thought, which i MADE sure i changed right away. There was this guy looking at me. First i thought he really isn't looking at me, why would he. Then i thought, he's looking at my chest (was wearing a low v-neck top)...all of a sudden, i remembered the last few times i really looked at myself in the mirror, i AM pretty (in my own way). So i smiled and thought hey, he just Might think i am attractive. (that or he's looking at my breasts). *shrugs* no matter what i did get to correct myself, and i did not shake off that thought, i stuck with it.

i am proud of myself. i am slowly changing the way i think about myself!! i am not as down on myself as i use to be. After a year of doing this mirror thing (off and on) it is slowly starting to improve the way i think. Thank You CLoud once again for helping me. *smiles softly* Tonight i wish i could give You a hug for helping me believe differently then before.

...

Now going back to friends/friendship, i am grateful that certain people have come into my life recently. (Recently as in over the past year). i have come to see that there is more to life then taking care of other people (and no i am not complaining that i have done it... and i will continue to do it, just differently then before). i've also come to put 'me' on a list of priorities (ok so i still forget i'm on there somewhere *grins*...i am improving on that too). i have learned a great deal, and it is because of the friends, and friendships that i have made. Y/you each are valuable to me, and are truly wonderful/special people.

...

Before my father passed away, he told me to value my friends. Especially to let them know at times how important they are to me. i do try to do that in little ways without sounding corny, or sappy. *laughs softly* but those who 'really' know me, know that i can be wierd about it. (since i don't like a certain type of attention).

ok, i believe i have said enough.
To ling, thank you for being you and for sharing with me all that you have. you have taught me so many things in a short period of time.

To Sir and morningstar, Y/you have both welcomed me to Y/your munches with open arms and helped me feel comfortable from the first moment i arrived. Y/you have both been there for me after my father passed away, and i appreciate everything... thank Y/you.

To CLoud, well what can i say *grins* You are one who kicks me in the butt when i need it (even when i pretend i don't). You've helped me through thick and thin and have helped me when i was lost and confused. You are evil (which i love) especially when You've got me watching every one of my words. You've helped me see another side of life that i was missing. Thank You CLoud. *hugs*

To kes, (who has not posted to my blog)...you wonderful, caring woman... you will always be a sister to me. And i miss you!!!

*bows low* thank Y/you all!!!

May all of Y/you have an amazing Christmas... and my Y/your New Year be filled with Health, Happiness and friendship!